Would it be weird if I told you that I haven’t gone over a couple of hours without thinking about my breath for years?
It’s on my mind a lot. I like thinking about it.
Our bodily functions can be divided into two distinct types:
Non-voluntary autonomous functions. These are carried out without deliberate control. Whether you like it or not, your body is going to take care of these on behalf of your conscious self. E.g. regulating your heart rate, blood flow, growth of your hair and nails, cellular reproduction, digestion, sweating, etc.
Voluntary functions. If we don’t make a willing choice to do these things, they aren’t going to happen. E.g. moving around, talking, eating, etc.
Actually, there are two more types that lie in the overlap of types 1 & 2:
Voluntary functions, with non-voluntary override. You want move a certain way, but your body decides to override your commands. E.g. muscle spasms, contractions, shivers, passing out or losing consciousness, etc.
Non-voluntary autonomous functions, with optional voluntary override. E.g. breathing, blinking, swallowing. You don’t have to consciously control these functions. At will, you can choose to suddenly change your blinking pattern, or stop breathing. Forget about it and your body’s autonomous rhythm will kick back in.
Exploring types 3 & 4 are fascinating (well, to me at least) … With training, you can adapt your body to delay certain overrides.
How long can I hold my breath before I black out? (5 minutes and 45 seconds)
How long can I stay submerged in ice cold water before the shivers kick in? (> 5 minutes)
How deep can I dive before passing out? (TBD)
And yes, you guessed it, there’s one area in particular that has captivated my mind over the past few years …
What happens if all you do for 10 days is focus all your awareness on nothing but your breath? (Psychedelic / spiritual experiences)
Breath is anchored in the present moment. Simply by becoming aware of your breath, you are experiencing the present moment.
Your breath is always with you (unless you’re no longer with us). It has a steady rhythm to it, that can be felt in different parts of your body …
Nose:
Air in your nostrils as you inhale.
Is one nostril allowing more air to pass than the other?
Air above your upper life as you exhale.
Can you feel that your exhales are noticeably warmer than your inhales?
Stomach & Chest:
Expansion / contraction as you breath.
How much of the breath do you feel in your stomach vs. your chest?
Are you exhales longer than your inhales or vice versa? Same same?
Heart:
Can you feel your heart rate slow down slightly as you exhale, and increase slightly as you inhale?
Breath is a physical reflection of internal emotion. If your breath is shallow and fast, chances are that you’re feeling stressed. Next time you’re having an argument or feeling nervous, chances are there’s an asymmetry to its natural rhythm. If your breathing is gentle and slow, you’re probably calm and relaxed, with a relatively low heart rate.
One of the most significant experiences I’ve had was a 10 day silent meditation retreat, that revolved solely around observing the breath for over 10 hours per day. Not judging it or yourself in any way. Not questioning the process. Not wondering about your next meal, or lamenting about what got you here. Just trying to stay with the breath.
Every time you lose the breath and the mind starts to wonder, you eventually realize that you’ve lost it and regain awareness of the breath. Over the first few day or two, I wasn’t able to stay with my breath for long. But over time, I’d lose my breath less frequently, and for smaller and smaller durations of time. By the end, I could almost literally feel an ever growing connection to the breath. It felt a bit scary sometimes, almost like I was toying around with drugs.
It feels like the experience has literally rewired my brain. Nowadays, when I find myself stuck in a queue, I come back to my breath (as opposed to reaching for my phone). It’s often the first thing I think of after waking up, and the last thing before falling asleep.
Having this connection my breath feels like my superpower. I’m not sure what about it makes it so profound. Is it being subtly grounded in the present? Is it feeling connected and more aware of my body? Is it simply the absence of other (more stressful) thoughts? Is it a combination of some of these factors, and a few others that I’m not even aware of?
In a nutshell, I think it’s my superpower because it makes me more aware. Awareness is a superpower in its own right: http://alrawi.me/on-awareness/.
Breathing brought about a level of awareness I didn’t know existed. On day 4 of the silent retreat, we were guided to focus our awareness towards any pain or discomfort (side-note: I had no idea that sitting still cross legged on the floor for an hour at a time could be so painful). This was fascinating … sometimes I’d feel a slight tingling sensation on my back, but after staying with it for long enough, it would eventually fade away. A sudden urge to itch my ear. I’d become aware of it without submitting to it, and again it just faded. Sometimes, I’d feel tightness, and just by being more aware of it, my breath became shallower and faster. This was just the beginning.
A couple of hours into this process, I penetrated a deeper layer. I started to get sharper sensations of pain, as if someone was lightly pushing a toothpick against my insides. Staying with each one of these sensations, I started to get memories. Some were sad or painful memories. Others seemed to be random, or to have a dream-like quality which made me unsure if they were even actual memories. As I let the memories unfold, the accompanying sensation of pain subsided. It was a surreal experience. As this meditation session concluded, I felt an urge to cry. After opening my eyes, a few others around me were crying too.
The last few days of the retreat had a psychedelic quality to them. I felt my sense of self, my ego, completely dissolve into a more universal, connected sense of awareness. I was one with the people and nature that surrounded me in the wilderness of the Japanese mountainside. I was in an ethereal state of bliss, and my whole body felt like it was vibrating, buzzing, with nothing but good feels.
Would it still be weird if I told you that I haven’t gone over a couple of hours without thinking about my breath for years? Maybe I’d go so far as to tattoo the word to my body so that it catches my eye throughout the day, reinforcing the connection to my breath? Maybe I already have?
beautifully said